Uttam dai was one of the most energetic people I have met; a gifted and talented singer, he was very ambitious. At just below 5 feet it is apparent that height did not grace him, but his lack of physical stature was compensated by his eccentric, erratic and energetic persona. I consider Uttam dai a folk legend in the Bay Area Nepali community; everyone knew Uttam dai, his voice was
designed to sing and his heart to inspire. His life story tells of adventure and journey: he was a tour guide in Nepal when he was young and he rose among the ranks there the same way he rose among our hearts here in San Francisco.

We (Andazification) were often on the Bay Area Nepali gig circuit performing together. Once, I asked if I could borrow his very expensive acoustic guitar for a concert and he honestly and blatantly said, "No." He said it was his soul!!!! He is direct in his thought and speech and yet at the same time he is inspiring and enterprising. His flamboyance, generosity, and cockiness took time to digest. His benevolence and eager generosity knew no bounds, he would always offer a ride if he saw me or anyone he knew in San Francisco and whenever we met and decided to dine out, he would choose a fancy place and pick up the bill. He even organized a launch party for his album and treated Bay Area Neps to live music and a four course meal!!!! (I am sure he paid a hefty bill, but to him it was worth our happiness and entertainment!!!)

We eventually became involved professionally when he asked me to help him develop his website. He would always ask how Andazification was doing and give me his opinions on how Nepali music is, is going and where it should be!!! He respected the fact that we were at opposite spectrum in musical taste but one in our passion for music. He told me that his album was a reflection of his
life and I do not doubt that. Like any troubled and talented artist, "Green Card Ko lob Ma" (his Album) is an artistic empathetic album that portrays a perspective of perception, in his case Nepalese immigrants. Unfortunately, like many other geniuses throughout history, he was ridiculed instead of admired during his time! People would say what kind of a title is that for a classic Nepali Album, or why are you washing dishes in your video ( the consensus was that it gave the working class Nepalis in US a bad and demeaning reputation). These people simply failed to understand that he was highlighting the plight of the Nepali immigrant - how hard we work to make it to America with the hopes of a better life and how hard we work to stay here and turn those hopes into reality. Just as his death may signify, we all have to wonder when we lose ourselves and the personal sacrifices become too much for a pipe dream that may never come to fruition.

Recently I heard through my friend that Uttam dai had committed suicide, the Bay Area community was shocked!!!!!!!!! You ask anyone about Uttam Rai in the Bay Area and they have a happy story about him!!! He is, in my opinion, a Bay Area Nepali Legend. His
advice to me about music and Andazification is priceless His ideas and commitment to music are recognized, his voice irreplaceable. In creative forms of Art we often talk about troubled geniuses from Van Gogh to Kurt Cobain whose suicides all shocked us, but we never consider the same fate could become of people like Uttam dai. He was so happy on the exterior that I never saw it coming!!!!

May God bless him and may he rest in peace. We will all miss him and mourn this tragic loss to our community. We should also take this opportunity to familiarize ourselves with the signs of suicidal behavior and do what we can to help loved ones who may exhibit these tendencies.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/suicide/MH00053